Dialogue and Action Tags

Writing dialogue can be tricky. The writer has to make sure that the dialogue fits the character, sounds right on the ear, and flows. It’s also imperative that the speaker is identified. In a long run of dialogue, between say, two female characters, using ‘she said’ as dialogue tags is bound to run the writer right into trouble.

Here’s an example using dialogue tags with names. I’ve put the dialogue tags in red for clarity.

Rosa’s eyes were red and puffy, and her nose watered. It wasn’t the best look for a blushing bride.

“Come on, Rosa. It’ll be all right,” Melo said. She draped an arm around her petite sister, carefully avoiding the pins, and hugged her close.

Rosa’s frantic sobs stuttered and stopped.

Melo unwrapped another tissue, and then stowed the packet back next to the screwdriver and emergency chocolate bar. Thank goodness. She had enough on her plate without having to deal with her sister’s histrionics.

“Will Papa be fit enough to take me down the aisle?” Rosa asked.

“We’ll just have to see what the doctor says.” Melo’s head began to throb and she cursed the fact her tool belt wasn’t packing paracetamol.

Changing these dialogue tags to action tags, means that the writing flows better and more information can be added in to illuminate character.

Here’s an example.

Rosa’s eyes were red and puffy, and her nose watered. It wasn’t the best look for a blushing bride.

“Come on, Rosa. It’ll be all right.” Melo pitched her voice low and reassuring, draped an arm around her petite sister, carefully avoiding the pins, and hugged her close.

Rosa’s frantic sobs stuttered and stopped.

Melo unwrapped another tissue, and then stowed the packet back next to the screwdriver and emergency chocolate bar. Thank goodness. She had enough on her plate without having to deal with her sister’s histrionics.

“Will Papa be fit enough to take me down the aisle?” Rosa raised her tearstained gaze to Melo’s.

“We’ll just have to see what the doctor says.” Melo’s head began to throb and she cursed the fact her tool belt wasn’t packing paracetamol.

Here’s another example, which shows dialogue tags and action tags combined. Note that in some of this dialogue I haven’t used tags at all, as it is obvious who is speaking. I’ve done them in red again…

Cade grinned, remembering the way she squealed when he dropped down beside her. She’d swatted him and held her hand to her chest in shock.

“What’s so funny?” Melo asked.

“I was just remembering the first time I saw you here.”

“You almost gave me a heart attack.” The corners of her lips rose.

“What were you reading? Do you remember?”

It hadn’t mattered, back then. He’d grabbed her hand and had pulled her up. Told her the others were waiting, and she should change into her swimsuit. Now, curiosity bit hard. He wanted to know what had held her in thrall so many years ago.

“I can’t remember.” Her face colored and she avoided his eyes.

What else to keep in mind about dialogue? That it increases pace, and keeps your story in the present. It’s tempting to overload the beginning of the story with information, but it should be drip fed through a manuscript.

Dialogue should move the story along and reveal something about the plot or character of the speakers. Try not to have characters telling each other something they already know, one of the joys of reading is ‘reading between the lines’, working with what isn’t said to discover the story’s heart.

Remember, dialogue should sound real, which isn’t to say that it completely mirrors real speech which is often completely disjointed. Reading your manuscript aloud, hearing how the dialogue sounds is the easiest way to see if you’ve got it right.

(c) Sally Clements July 2011

Sally Clements writes romance. Visit her blog at www.sallyclements.blogspot.com.

Her new book (extracts used for the above examples) Marrying Cade, is available from The Wild Rose Press and also at Amazon.co.uk and Amazon.com

Sally Clements has graced the pages Writing.ie with many excellent articles. For more of her tips and advice, check out these articles;
How to Claim Back US Tax on Royalties 
How to Write a Synopsis 
How Do You Read an eBook 

Find out more about writing dialogue in All About Dialogue from Tracy Culleton read The Essential Ingredient from Zoe Miller,  Talking Tips from Laura Jane Cassidy and Say What? from Yvonne Cassidy