The Essential Ingredient

Pick up any well paced, commercial fiction novel, flick through the pages, and chances are, there is lot and lots of dialogue.  Good use of dialogue is the most effective way of maintaining story momentum, drawing in the reader and helping them to understand characters, and it is a major tool in developing conflict between two characters, which is at the heart of every story.

Seeing conflict happen as present action in the story is far more interesting and engaging than reading about what has or what might happen. Dialogue plays a huge part in keeping the reader turning the pages and developing empathy for the character. If you find the pace of your novel is flat or weighed down, consider rewriting some scenes in a dialogue format:

I’d like to start by giving you an example. This is taken from my latest novel Rival Passions, and it shows how I rewrote a scene using dialogue to inject more energy into it.

First draft: [Serena in her office, and we read her interior thoughts as she ponders what’s going to happen]

Thankfully, Jack was finally coming home after a two month absence, his flight due to touch down in Dublin later that evening. Serena fervently hoped he’d been recovered by now, both for his own sake and so that he could take up the reins again on the financial side of things. The side she’d let slide a little in his absence.

Final draft: [Serena in her office, but now in conversation with Andrew, the hotel manager. Dialogue is used to convey much the same information in a punchier way.]

Serena smiled at him, then took a deep breath. “There’s something else.”

He paused in the doorway, looking at her expectantly, alerted, she knew, by her tone of voice.

“Jack’s arriving home from France this evening,” she said, “So I expect he’ll be back in the office next week. He wants no fuss, though. You can pass the word around.”

“That’s good news... isn’t it?” Andrew said, clearly uncomfortable as he gripped his clipboard, shield-like, in front of him. “I hope he’s feeling ... well I hope he’s recovered... a bit.”

“I’m sure he has,” Serena smiled for Andrew’s sake. “But we’ll have to give him time to get up to speed again.”

“Of course.”

As soon as Andrew left, Serena sat back in her chair and chewed the end of her silver pen. Recovered? You didn’t recover from the death of your loved ones...

What’s also important to note in the final draft above is the use of suitable body language and action. This must support the dialogue, or you’ll send your readers a mixed message, which is confusing.  Succinct, crisp dialogue by itself is good. The same dialogue underpinned by supporting description can convey volumes in the most engaging way to the reader.  Read the above again, this time focussing on the dialogue while omitting the description and action, and you’ll see what I mean.

I’ve another example, again taken from Rival Passions. It’s a conflict scene that I had initially written in the form of flashback, but I wasn’t entirely happy with it. I rewrote this scene to make it action in the present.

First draft: [Serena thinking about what had happened]

Then, recently, for an article on celebrities and their favourite haunts, Serena was asked, “People come to your hotel to chill out and relax. Where’s your favourite chill out place? In the world?”

“Tamarisk, of course,” she’d replied, “Where else could satisfy all my needs?”

When he’d seen the article in the newspaper, Paul had challenged her. “I thought you loved our honeymoon destination,” he’d said, looking distinctly put out, “I thought it ranked up there as the best place in the world for you.”

Serena had felt a little guilty. “Well yes, of course it did, still does,” she’d said smoothly, “but come on, Paul, this is publicity.”

“Surely they were looking for the real you, the human person behind the successful hotelier front.”

The real her?  Yeah, right. They’d be lucky.   She’d smiled and kissed his cheek, but for once, her good-natured, uncritical husband hadn’t been easily appeased.

Final draft: [The scene as it unfolds]

Paul opened the weekend newspapers that she had brought home and spread them across the island worktop. She was putting away the shopping bags when he said, “Serena, what’s this?”

“What’s up?” she asked him, her face flushing and guilty heart suddenly missing a beat. It was okay, she told herself. Calm down. He couldn’t possibly know.

He looked up from the newspaper with a slightly puzzled expression. “Don’t look so worried.  Did you know about this travel article, quote: ‘We asked four celebrities to name their favourite, most romantic getaway... first up, Serena Devlin, whose star is continuing to ascend...’” he read aloud.

“Oh, that,” she breathed a sigh of relief.

“Why are you so concerned? What did you think it was?”

“They phoned me early this week,” Serena said, trying to sound smooth despite her fluttering pulse.  “What photo did they use? I sent over two file pictures.”

“What photo?” Paul asked, looking decidedly annoyed. “Is that all you’re worried about? Or have you been caught on camera somewhere you shouldn’t have been?”

She laughed shakily. “Don’t be silly. What’s your problem with this?”

“Number one, you’re quoted as Serena Devlin.”

“I always use that name for business purposes, you know that.”

“Number two, you say your favourite romantic getaway is Tamarisk. Tamarisk?”

“Well?”

He looked disappointed. “I thought you loved our honeymoon destination, even if it was in the remotest part of Cork with a place name you couldn’t even pronounce, instead of somewhere exotic. I thought it was special and that it ranked up there as the best place in the world for you. Obviously I was wrong and it wasn’t glamorous enough for you.”

“Paul, of course I loved it, but this is publicity.”

“Publicity? This article is supposed to be about the real you, Serena Taylor, the human person behind the successful hotelier front.”

The real her? They’d be lucky. No one got to see the real Serena Taylor, warts and all. Certainly not Paul. It would mean the end of her marriage.

Coupled with supporting description, also rewritten as present action, I think you’ll find the dialogue has a more immediate impact in the final draft. There is also more scope for deepening Serena’s viewpoint, thoughts and emotions.

To sum up, some of the golden rules for effective dialogue are:

• Read what you’ve written out loud and make sure it flows.

• Write dialogue the way you speak it, but keep it in tune with the character. The good guy must talk a good guy, and vice versa.

• Use simple and direct language.

• Avoid strong dialect.

• Use simple “he said” / “she said” from time to time, rather than flowery adverbials, and insert this as soon as possible after the beginning of the dialogue.

• Short, snappy sentences quicken the pace. This is especially important in a row or conflict situation.

• Avoid possible confusion by having only the essential characters involved in a particular dialogue scene, particularly if there is conflict or a row. (Send a third or a fourth party out to make a cup of tea/ fetch the wine).

• In a dialogue scene comprising a row / confrontation use “he said / she said” sparingly as it interrupts the flow a little.

• Use dialogue to convey action in the present and inject more life into a scene.

• Body language must mirror what’s being said.

• To ensure your work looks professional, every time there is a new speaker, you must start a new paragraph, indent it, and use quotation marks

© Zoe Miller for writing.ie

Zoe Miller is the best selling author of Guilty Secrets, Sinful Deceptions and Rival Passions

Follow Zoe on Twitter @ZoeMillerAuthor or on Facebook.com/zoemillerauthor

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About Rival Passions

Brother and sister Jack and Serena Devlin are the owners of Tamarisk Manor, a chic hotel nestled in the wooded hills of County Wicklow. Ranked as the ultimate retreat for socialite and celebrities, it’s the perfect escape from the world.

But behind the indulgent facade, the privileged Devlin family is in turmoil...

Serena’s commitment to the hotel is taking a toll on her once dazzling marriage. She finds it easier to run a multi-million business that to be the kind of wife that her husband Paul expects, or mother that four-year-old Harriet deserves.

Jack, struggling to come to terms with the devastating death of his wife, takes refuge in La Mimosa, their sister hotel in France, determined to distance himself from the memories at Tamarisk Manor. When a chance encounter in France forces Jack to question his whole existence, he returns to Tamarisk a changed man. Serena, meanwhile, is working even harder than ever to win the coveted accolade “Haven of the Year” for her hotel.

Will Serena sacrifice her marriage for the sake of success?

Or will Jack give up his birthright for the sake of love?

Life for the Devlins is about to change beyond their wildest expectations.

Find out more about writing dialogue and action tags from Sally Clements, All About Dialogue from Tracy Culleton read The Essential Ingredient from Zoe Miller,  Talking Tips from Laura Jane Cassidy and Say What? from Yvonne Cassidy